Yet keeping the Russians sweet must in itself be a full-time job.Does this run to having to help out in the Rosneft flotation? Whatever Lord Browne's views on the morality of this giant IPO, the real politik of the oil business suggests powerfully that it might Rosneft is damaged goods. Yet oil is a dirty business in more ways than one, and securing supply has a tendency to require dirty deals in dirty places. When Lord Browne of Madingley, the chief executive of BP, bought into Russia, it was an incredibly gutsy deal, the more so as he'd tried once before and ended up having his pocket felt So far, it's been second time lucky BP's Russian troubleshooting has paid off handsomely. Dasvidanya."BP insisted yesterday that it was still making up its mind on whether to invest in the Rosneft flotation. Advisers to the float were nonetheless more than happy to let the story take flight that BP had already signed a non binding agreement to participate Whether it is true or not scarcely seemed to matter. Nothing as crude as the telephone call reported above would ever have taken place.

The float needed another shot in the arm and this might just do the trick.OK, so reports of arm twisting are almost certainly exaggerated. But you know they have a saying in Italy which is that in the Mafia there are no favours, only debts Ha, ha Only shoking It was a big favour I paid you when I let you into Russia I am sure you will not forget this. It would be helpful, John, if you let your interest in the Rosneft flotation be known. The weather in Siberia at this time of year can be particularly unpleasant Stifling heat, lots of flies Not fit for humans Do the right thing, John. He broke the two rules so he rots in Siberia. "You would do well to remember this, John You and me, we have an understanding We like you John, very, very much.

We are in a spot of difficulty over our Rosneft flotation, which your free British press is trashing on the grounds that we stole the assets from that vloody man, Khodorkovsky I told them all, those vloody oligarchs Pay your taxes, don't kick against me and you'll be OK. Sources in MI6 have been good enough to forward me the transcripts to a phone tap they have been conducting at BP's head office in London I faithfully reproduce one of them below "Ah, John Or should I say Lord John Privet Vlad here. The thing to watch most closely, though, will be UK investment for this will tell us something about the underlying confidence of the business community.. It will, however, be very sensitive to global share price levels. Viewed from a UK perspective, foreign acquisitions are quite welcome as they enable people to rebalance their portfolios. True, building a new swimming pool in the garden, which technically counts as residential investment, should more properly be considered to be consumption.